For Better... Forever!: A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage by Gregory Popcak

Author:Gregory Popcak [Popcak, Gregory]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Our Sunday Visitor
Published: 1999-02-26T05:00:00+00:00

Part 2

The Road to Intimacy

CHAPTER 6

The Road Trip

(or “Der Intimacy Ist Goot, Ja?”)

I propose another adventure! (As if mountain climbing weren’t enough!) Pack your bags — we’re taking a road trip to “Intimacy.”

Imagine that Intimacy is an actual place. For the sake of argument, let’s say it’s located somewhere in Pennsylvania Dutch country, just northwest of Intercourse, a little town in Pennsylvania.

To get to Intimacy, you are going to need a car (good communication skills), fuel (a willingness to be vulnerable), a map (romance), and plenty of road signs (a playful, healthy, physical relationship). Successfully arriving at your destination requires all of the above to be present, plentiful, and in good working order. For example, without a map or road signs (romance and sexuality), a couple will frequently feel lost (“Just where do I stand with you anyway?”). With everything but the car (good communication), spouses can do little over time except take their fuel and set themselves on fire.

The chapters that follow are concerned with seeing that your relationship will not only be loving but also intimate.

Now Just a Cotton-Pickin’ Minute!

No doubt some of you will be confused at this point. You might think that we already covered intimacy in Chapter 4 (on love), but you’d be wrong. There is a saying in Latin, “Cognescere est distinguere” (“To know is to make distinctions”), and there is an important distinction to be made between love and intimacy. Simply put, intimacy is the measure of love. If love were a tree, then intimacy would tell us how much fruit the tree could yield. If love were a body of water, intimacy would tell us how deep it was. (It is this distinction that allowed me — in Chapter 3 — to say that while Apprenticeship Marriages were built on love, they can be a bit shallow with regard to intimacy.)

In Chapter 4 we drilled a well — metaphorically speaking — to find out if there was any water (i.e., love) on your land. We also tested that water to make certain it wasn’t too “hard” or “soft” (i.e., had the right mix of companionate and romantic loves). Now, by examining your capacity for vulnerability, communication, physical affection, and romance we are going to find out how much water your well is producing. Better still, if it turns out to be a puddle, then Part 2 of For Better … Forever! will show you how to go deeper and find an ocean. To begin, let us take a look at the first and most frightening of the four pillars of intimacy.

The “V-Word”

Vulnerability is seriously misunderstood and undervalued, but without vulnerability, people can too easily become self-righteous, self-absorbed bullies whose marriages are not so much relationships as they are extensions of their own infantile egos. The major problem with vulnerability is that people equate it with weakness. In fact, the word does mean “capable of being wounded.” And I will agree that this does not sound at all desirable. Shouldn’t people get married to protect each other from harm? Well, maybe.

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